Depression is not a topic that is frequently talked about; let’s face it mental health particularly depression is not a feel good topic. When talked about it can be awkward and uncomfortable at best.  Most of us have felt deep sadness; the death of a loved one, a breakup, the state of the world you name it we all have felt sadness. What do we do when it’s more than sadness?

I have been seeing a therapist weekly for the past several months; my initial reason for going was to continue working through the many phases of healing from my childhood trauma. I couldn’t figure out what was triggering flash backs, anxiety and just feeling very sad. I certainly didn’t think I was suffering from depression but after further digging through my counseling sessions I was diagnosed with moderate depression.  During my sessions I spent more time talking about the hopelessness I felt at my former job than my past trauma.

Things were complicated and I didn’t want to believe that my job was making me sick; so much of what was happening, I had absolutely no control over (which took me back to that little girl who was victimized so long ago). I hated feeling like I had no control, it was like a heavy weight that was dragging me down.

I could not wrap my mind around this but if I am being honest I knew the situation wasn’t healthy for me but I bargained, talked myself out of leaving it was a constant battle for years. Now, 30 days later and a new job I am a lot more cautious; not timid or anxious but firm when drawing the boundary lines of work and personal. I feel so much lighter, like this burden is slowly being lifted.    Once again learning to Relax, Relate Release (in my Whitley Gilbert voice).

Possible signs of depression:

The persistent feeling of sadness or loss of interest that characterizes major depression can lead to a range of behavioral and physical symptoms. These may include changes in sleep, appetite, energy level, concentration, daily behavior, or self-esteem. Depression can also be associated with thoughts of suicide.

I experienced fatigue, I had a hard time sleeping,  trouble concentrating, mindless eating just feeling BLAH! I never felt suicidal but I did feel hopeless, angry and agitated. I am sharing all of this in hopes that someone will be encouraged to seek help if they are dealing with depression.

As women we wear many hats, as caregivers for our spouses, children, parents we are employees, business owners, etc., if you are anything like me you keep it moving because life doesn’t stop.  This season has taught me to slow down and take personal inventory of where I am, emotionally and not to just brush off what may be brewing under the surface. I thank God for leading me to an awesome therapist (who happens to be a Christian). My prayer was to find a good fit, not some weirdo (which I have had in the past) or someone that was super aggressive, and pushy. Kristin has been a Godsend.

Have you ever experienced depression? Did you see a therapist?

I was very hesitant to share this post I started writing this several months ago but just couldn’t hit publish. I was nervous how it would be received;  but tonight the timing feels right.



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